Written by Andrea Kuester

The story begins in spring 1989 when I prayed to God: Please find a husband for me, and let me know that he is the right one.

At this time Holger - on the other side of the world - was wondering if there was something like a soul-mate, and if so, he would like to meet her.

The first time we met

We met on our trip to Findhorn in September 1989, when we both wanted to participate in a three month short-term membership programme at Newbold House, back then a part of the wider Findhorn Community.

The first time we met was on the night-train from London to Inverness; several times I changed my seat for different reasons and ended up sitting across from a German looking man. He apparently had no interest in talking to me, not even after the sun had risen and the night was over. In Pitlochry we both looked out of the train windows – on one side the full moon was setting, on the other the sun was rising. A moment of perfect balance and tranquillity – and yet we didn’t exchange a single word. The man had "A Course in Miracles" lying on the table between us. I assumed he was probably on his way to Findhorn too.

We parted ways at Inverness station, still without exchanging a word. When I walked down the St. Leonard's road to Newbold House I saw the man from the train walking about 100 metres in front of me. What a surprise. We met in the entrance hall, and this time exchanged a few words of greeting. We found out we were both German and here for the short-term membership programme.

Even though we spent the next six to eight weeks in a group, we hardly had any contact; in fact, he actually got on my nerves. I didn't mind as I was looking for someone who might become my husband.

*Andrea (in yellow shirt in the middle) with a group at the front door of Newbold House during an earlier visit in 1988*

Strange things began to happen

Then strange things began to happen. Holger gave me a rose from the Newbold garden where he worked, as a thank-you for a shiatsu treatment I’d given him. A few days later, a leaf from this red rose fell into my hand. It was heart-shaped…

Later on, our short-term member group had a weekend-workshop called "Relationship", focalised by a young Lesley Quilty. In one of the exercises we were blindfolded and had to find a partner. Despite being blindfolded, Holger and I knew that we were partners in this exercise, thanks to a strange series of coincidences. The next step involved one partner lying down whilst the other touched the partner who was lying on the floor. All of a sudden the feeling of melting away under his touch overcame me, at the same time this puzzled me as I had no positive feeling towards that man. Even Lesley said later that it had been rather embarrassing to watch.

There was something going on

During the next week we met twice, talking about what we could have to do together. Holger was absolutely sure that it was not about a loving relationship, as he felt no attraction for me at all.

I had the feeling that there was something going on regarding a relationship because of the prayer I’d made months before. I was in turmoil because of that, as he was definitely not my type and I felt no attraction towards him.

1989 Holger at NewBold or Findhorn garden resized.jpg

Holger and Andrea in 1989 (Holger left, Andrea right)

On Friday evening we were talking in his room. All of a sudden, a young attractive Canadian woman Holger had worked with at Newbold on several occasions stormed into his room. It was obvious that she needed some comfort and more. I decided to leave the room, very pleased about the development, because I saw a way to get out of this story.

Later he told me that they spend the night on a 90cm mattress in great human closeness and warmth but without sex.

We had something to do together - but what?

The next day we attended an "Inner Listening" workshop led by Lee Coit at Cluny Hill. In the last exercise of the first day of the workshop the task was to write intuitively about something that was bothering us. Lee gave a procedure to follow for achieving this. I chose Holger as my topic, as it seemed to be clear from the experiences of the last week starting with the relationship-workshop, followed by some minor encounters during the week, that we had something to do together - but what?

At the end of the writing I received my essence, a counseling I hadn't expected at all.

We went back from Cluny Hill to Newbold together with another short-term member. In Newbold's entrance hall the other person said goodnight and vanished into the bedroom. So it was just the two of us. Holger kept talking about the workshop. I interrupted him, asking if we shouldn't continue the conversation in his room. I knew he had his own room, as by coincidence his roommate had to go to London for the weekend. Holger agreed.

He was too curious

Holger told me that during the intuitive writing exercise he had made me his issue, and that he got a two fold answer: If he wanted to be closer to me he should seek contact with me. If he didn’t want to be closer to me he should avoid me tonight. He added that during the whole walk from Cluny Hill to Findhorn he couldn't make up his mind. He had had enough troubles with relationships in his life, and because of that made the decision to not engage in a relationship anymore. But in the last moment at the front door of Newbold he made the decision to stay in contact with me, as he was too curious to get to know what all the strange circumstances with us were about.

Then I told him the essence of my intuitive writing: "To make love to Holger tonight. Let him come to my heart."

We sat on the floor of the room, gazing at each other, still there was no physical attraction. Then Holger cross checked with his inner voice, eventually he got a "yes".

Okay, and now?

Something special had happened

Eventually we went into his bed. In the moment we touched all our resistance for each other melted away. By coincidence, the wall between us had disappeared just two days after the wall between East and West Germany had fallen.

The next day Lee Coit sensed that something special had happened to Holger and asked him to share about it. One of the exercises during the Inner Listening workshop was intuitive painting. When Holger showed his painting to the participants I was shocked. Very clearly there was a sperm penetrating an ovulum. In the beginning Holger wasn't able to see this in the painting. Later on that evening one of the members said to me: "You have painted an embryo!" Another shock for Holger. He was not ready for children. I however had been prepared to become pregnant because of a miscarriage two years earlier. It took Holger another two weeks to jump into his next adventure. I got pregnant.

*Newbold House impressions at tea break*

A new life together

Some time later Holger attended a special meditation event at the Universal Hall. There he asked where we should live - as both of our living places weren't appropriate anymore for different reasons. He heard ‘a real voice’ saying: “Freiburg, a town in the southwest of Germany.“ Holger, coming from northern Germany, immediately rejected this proposal, but eventually gave in. For me the choice was fine, but neither of us had been there before (I had visited the city while traveling through it). Miraculously a few days later Holger found a city map of Freiburg in Newbold pinched between books on completely different subjects.

We went to Freiburg in February 1990, pregnant, not knowing anyone, without jobs, with only little money. It took us a lot of trust in God. Eventually we moved into a lovely old villa with a huge garden between a small stream and a hill, a little paradise where we lived for 31 years. We have two girls - who are happily, healthily living their lives - and two grandchildren, and we are still very happy together, very close, and yet each one of us is complete for her/himself.

*Andrea and Holger now - they still like to be surrounded by ‘good spirits’ :)*

This is a short version of our miraculous story of inner listening and following the inner voice at Findhorn. We still listen to our inner voice, and are in close contact with our guidance. And we like to share our special story❣️

With love and a warm sunshine from Germany,

Andrea and Holger 🙂

P.S. Another coincidence in this coincidence rich time - it was November 11th when we came together. Many years later we realised this is the date WWI ended. When we married one and a half years later, it was May 8th - the day WWII ended. We weren't aware of that either, as both days aren’t very much in the German awareness - guess why?!

Following the Inner Voice at Findhorn - Our Love-Story