This morning a participant came with a problem. We’re often so fixated on our problems – ‘if we could only get those problems solved, then we will find fulfillment.’ That’s the way we function as human animals. This is very important, of course, but when it causes us to overlook this place of refuge and peace that is our nature before human, before animal, then it is no longer useful. Ramana said the last thing to go is self-doubt and Papaji said the last problem is thinking there is a problem. If you’re willing to give up that powerful and hypnotic thought, then you’re free from your story, your life as you’ve written it. If you don’t have a story, you don’t have a problem. Then when it arises, you recognise, ah, that’s just the story of me – not the truth of who I am – my essential nature.
Fixating, we suffer unnecessarily and our life energy goes on suffering. We talk about the use of fossil fuels destroying the planet, but look at what we do to the planet with this natural resource called our attention. Let’s say give 1% or even 10% to problems, but give the other 90% to the boundless heart of existing, then you’re offering your attention to world attention. Each generation throughout history thinks it has known what’s needed to solve the world’s problems, yet it has failed time and time again, with many more problems arising. What would it be like to not know how the problem will be solved, to not know anything…
We think we have to conquer the earth. Now we’re at a time where the very conquering of earth is destroying the earth. Not to say there hasn’t been great beauty. If we will just stop – who knows when we try to clean up the problem, how many more problems we create. We make it worse, we perpetuate the problem. If we just step back and open – open for openness sake – take refuge – perhaps in that moment – there’s a maturity that arises – the child becomes the adult and can see from a bigger perspective.
Asking questions is good – it’s healthy inquiry when approached not knowing what the answers will be. Whatever’s happening externally is a reflection both ways. There is a great revelation awaiting you. I don’t know when it will appear for you – it can be any moment – that moment is irresistible. In the moment, all is being said to invite you to the awake awareness that has no problem with any problem. The ego battle is reflected with our friends, lovers, family, co-workers, community. The battle stops when the ego is not being fed. Just recognise it and stop. If, for example, the thought arises that I am a wretched creature, say, ‘Yes, I am a wretched creature – end of conversation, then ‘wretched creature’ is liberated.’ Gangaji says that all of her books, writings, videos, conversations are just invitations. If it were your last day on earth, what would you want your last day to be? What links us all over the planet, in gatherings like this, is the giving of ourselves to each other and to ourselves. Open to your intelligence.
One of our participants in this session admitted that she had come down to sit because her mind was playing with the idea of wanting Gangaji to notice that she was going to take her advice and stop, and she wanted Gangaji to say, well done. Gangaji’s response was, ‘When are you going to stop?’ Gangaji then shared with us her own experience of the need for approval. As a lover of the Goddess and a liberated woman, she was surprised to find herself in the presence of Papaji as a purely unapologetic patriarch. Why? Because she needed confirmation. What does that mean? It means confirmation of yourself and absolute connection with everything. We meet the challenge to get to the truth. Invite your mind to the satsang of your heart.
Another participant shared how scary it was to be sitting with Gangaji, facing the large audience, all eyes upon him. ‘All they want from you is your self,’ Gangaji said assuringly, ‘and all you have to give is your self.’ When Gangaji asked him what he wanted, he said that he wanted to be free. ‘What stops you?’ she asked. ‘Trying to get there.’ ‘It’s about stopping withholding yourself,’ Gangaji revealed. It’s natural to give yourself. Beingness loves itself – is in awe of itself – the absolute wonder to be – the absolute possibility to be – the always moreness of being.
The next participant to approach Gangaji in self-inquiry shared her confusion which she thought may be attributed to hormones: a huge part of her wanting to love and another part experiencing killing energy. Calmly and compassionately, Gangaji said, ‘Let the status quo of your confusion fall apart.’ The participant then shared, ‘The drama is that I don’t hurt anyone but me.’ ‘It’s better to hurt yourself,’ Gangaji confirmed. You don’t have to thrust it out or keep it in. Just experience it – don’t do anything with it. You can have a direct experience of it. Hormones are fire – they can be your enemy or your ally. There’s a possibility not to express it or repress it. This is the direct experience. You sit in the fire of it and that’s where the revelation is – to not move – to burn in it. It passes and there’s a discovery made. If you stay unmoving there is a discovery of your strength, your true purity. Let it be as it is. Allow the deep discovery. There are always challenges no matter who you are and where you live. Maybe you choose to be by yourself or in nature at times to face your challenges. There is no formula.
Recent studies of those who express anger and those who don’t have shown results the opposite of what was expected. Those who expressed their anger had higher blood pressure and built a bigger case for example, of hatred of the person or anger at the situation. This hatred, this anger doesn’t have to be dumped anywhere – that’s toxic. These feelings are liberated when we sit with them and open to them.
Gangaji concluded this afternoon’s session by inviting us to feel whatever we are feeling fully. Let’s explore the boundaries. What is this I? Let’s experience this tsunami of love – let it wash the whole structure away. Papaji used to say, laugh, laugh more – when you laugh, you can’t think. You are free to laugh.
Join us tomorrow for our final day of self-discovery with Gangaji.
– Mattie Porte –
May 25, 2008